girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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