so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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