Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
