Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
