I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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