And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
