So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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