i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
