I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Randomize
