I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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