Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
