It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
