Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
