It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
