Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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