Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
