btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
