I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
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