Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
