My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize