I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
