Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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