I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
someone threw a dead crab at me
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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