Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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