I wish I could punch you in the face.
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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