I have demons in me.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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