dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Randomize
