it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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