just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
