Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
