I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
We got so high we made milksteak
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
