i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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