i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
