listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
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