Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Too much gin, very little bucket
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
