Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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