look no pants
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize