I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize