Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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