And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
