Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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