Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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