Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
