OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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