shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
