Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
