i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
