you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
