She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
