even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I supernannyed him into submission
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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