Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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