my phone cant type all the emotion im having
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
