my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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