Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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