Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
