so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Mom said you looked used
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
