My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize