2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
And then he peed in my hair
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