My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize