No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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