im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You are the jesus of drinking
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
