i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
