Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize